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Still the Beginning

  2.25.19 My english class begins in an hour and Maritza is using the good shower.The basement shower runs cold. If I have to use it today I'll probably just get chunks of ice coming through the shower head. I say a quick Ave Maria Hail Mary and grab a robe and towel. Coming down the stairs I can hear the rhythm of my fathers shovel hitting the concrete. Later,I will hear about not waking up early enough to help. I make a mental note to bring him a 6 pack of Dos Equis after work. I can tell my mother has left because her badge and boots are gone. I get down to the basement and immediately turn the space heater on. I pivot the showerhead to my preferred angle as I hear Maritza slam the bathroom door. Of course!Oh well. 

The Beginning

  February 22nd 2019 When I get home I have to face reality. His keys will be on the kitchen table. The garage door opener will be on the kitchen table . My life as I knew it, the fairytale I know I deserve..will be on the kitchen table. I park my car in front of the house and aggressively tear into the house. I don't know why I'm so anxious. I know what comes next. I sit on the bench next to the front door and make a production of pulling off my damp boots. I savor the last few moments of being a fiance. I turn the kitchen light on and focus on the remains of my love life. His keys and garage opener. He left me a hand written note. There was always something child like and endearing about Tucker's penmanship . It was hard for him to write this note and even harder for me to read it. I'm sobbing. Big ugly tears.I can't breath. I need Tequila. Preferably, Anejo. The bar is in the dining room and due to the tears clouding my vision; I can't get there fast enough....